


Twin Flames

by catharticallysarcastic



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Romance, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 09:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16092953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catharticallysarcastic/pseuds/catharticallysarcastic
Summary: Snippets of the life of Noah and his girl, with lots of fighting and just as many sweet moments. Slightly AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I like feedback, a lot so if you have the time, I'd really appreciate to hear your thoughts. Thank you xoxo

A smile broke out on her face when her gaze fell on Noah. Funny, how she’d imagined countless of times what it’d feel like to run into him accidently after all those years and never once she’d imagined that she’d be smiling. Her heart fluttered, the butterlies errupted in her belly and electricity zipped through her. She’d known she’d meet him that day. It was one of those unexplainable things people came across from time to time. She’s always known when he’d be somewhere, sometimes even before he’d known.

Relief washed over his features when his eyes found her, pure relief, she could practically hear the rocks rolling off his chest. She felt the same, feather light, like a weight had been taken off her and left her floating.

They were heading towards each other, shouldering their ways through the crowd. She saw and heard nothing but him, getting closer and closer until they met in the middle and pulled each other into a tight hug. It was like breathing for the first time after holding your breath, like air only just reached her lungs again.

Her eyes closed, her arms holding him tight, the same as he was holding her for dear life. There were no words needed. It was a perfect moment, a perfect moment for them to collide again and she knew if either of them was to say a word, the magic would be gone, their truce could only last for so long, she was aware. This moment needed to be cherished with it’s peace, with it’s unbreakable power.

Later that day she was in the kitchen of their friend, trying to open a bottle of spirits with a cork in it. She felt the tension in her neck, tiny ants running all over her skin. Their fallout would happen sooner or later. They’ve both kept up a civil front for the sake of their friends, neither of them wanting to make a scene. However, she could tell he knew it as well that it’d be just a matter of time before either or both of them would snap.

That was their way. They couldn’t exist in peace. The smallest thing could turn into bickering and the tiniest bickering could turn into a world destroying fight. The fire they had was all consuming and it could be controlled for only so long.

“Do you need help?” Noah stepped into the kitchen and leant against the doorframe, arms crossed as he watched her with a smug smile on his face. She’s always hated that look, it made her palm itch, like he was so above her, like he knew everything better than her.

“Thank you but I can handle it alone.” She huffed at him, sending a glare his way. Maybe it’d have been smarter if she’d just gone home to avoid explosion. She should have gone home after the hug, treasure the hardly occuring moment and walk away.

“I’ll help you.” He chuckled with a roll of his eyes and pushed away from the door when she kept on battling the bottle without success.

“I said no!” She groaned and tried to turn away from him but he grabbed the free end of the bottle.

“Come on, give it to me, I’ll open it in a second.” He shook his head and tried to pull it from her hands but she didn’t let it go. She said she’d open the damn booze, she was going to open it and she needed help from no one, not from him or anyone else. “Just let me help you!”

“No!” She raised her voice, lifting her nose stubbornly. Her cheeks flushed from the anger that washed over her by him thinking she was incapable to even open a bottle of alcohol. “Let it go!”

“No! Why the hell do you have to be such a mule?” His voice shook, the base of his neck quickly coloured the same shade as her face.

She screamed out when they lost balance, her hands slipped from it and the bottle crashed against the kitchen island loud. All the pieces fell, tiny shreds of glass covering everything around them.

“Is everything okay in here?” Her friend appeared at the door, moving her eyes between them and the mess they’d made.

“I’m sorry. He’s gonna clean it up.” She rubbed her temple, giving an apologetic look to the other woman. Why did they always end up like this?

“Me?” He raised his voice once again, disbelief all over his face.

“Yes, you! You did the mess, you’re gonna clean it up!” She stated, pointing at him.

“If you didn’t let go, this wouldn’t have happened!” He shouted at her.

“And if you let go, this wouldn’t have happened!” She yelled back at him. This wasn’t about the spirits anymore, this was about the booze that quickly turned into a metaphor, a metaphor of what had happened to them. After years of suffering, she’d let go and he hasn’t, still hasn’t.

“Clean up the mess you made.” She glared at him before she rushed out of the kitchen.

“It’s our mess! You and I did this together!” He called after her and she cringed visibly. She should have gone home.

Five minutes later when he was still in the kitchen she let out a frustrated sigh. She should go and help him or he’d never finish and her friend’s kitchen would be filled with glass for the rest of eternity.

“I’ll help.” She sighed when she walked back but he shook his head. “Come on, don’t be a baby. I’ll clean up, just go.”

“I can clean this shit up!” He glared up at her and her brows furrowed. What the hell, she just wanted to help.

“Do you want me to hold the shovel at least?” She shook her head, irritated that he’d make a pride question even out of something as nonsense as this. His response was a shrug so she crouched next to him and took the plastic shovel from his hand so he could swipe the rest of the shreds on it easier.

“You know what, you were right,” he started and dropped the broom on the floor. “I should have let go. You’ve never needed me.”

“What?” The lump in her throat swelled even more, the scream she’s been holding back for so long pushing it’s way to the surface again.

“It’s always been you taking responsibility for everything, taking charge, you’ve never needed me the way I needed you.”

“I’ve never… I’ve needed you!” A laugh so bitter bursted through her, even she winced by the sound of it. “I needed you so many times I lost count but I put you first, I always put you first, your needs, your problems, your mess, you came first and when I needed you, you were never there and honestly, I wasn’t there for myself either because I was so focused on you, only you, always you!”

“But I’ve never asked you to! I’ve never asked you to put me ahead of your own needs!” He screamed back at her, his eyes blazing with anger and frustration.

“You didn’t have to! My problems were tiny next to yours! You were killing yourself more day by day! I wasn’t going to let you fade away!” All the pain, the hurt, the terror of losing him now washed over her again with the force of hot lava. “How could I not put you first when your life was on stake!”

“You’ve never even given me a chance to try and prove myself because I’ve never been good enough for you, just admit it finally!” She blinked at him as she stood up slowly, the shovel dangling in her hand. This wasn’t real. He didn’t just said that.

“I worshipped you. I worshipped the ground you walked on and if me putting up with all the crap you put me through wasn’t enough of a proof for you, I don’t know what could be.” Her voice was cold and steady. His words were like a slap in the face. She’d have died for him, would still do and he questioned that.

Half an hour later she was sitting on the couch, fuming silently, his words on repeat like a broken record on her mind. The amount of things she’d explained, she’d forgotten and forgiven and he’d had the gutts to question her. Luckily, he decided to leave after their fall out. She was truly thankful. She wasn’t certain if she could be in his presence one more minute without breaking or trying to strangle him. She truly hated how much he could make her feel, that to this very day he had such hold on her.

The door opened and he walked in with a small bag in his hand. She didn’t look at him, didn’t want to in fear that she might react because she always reacted, she simply couldn’t stay indifferent when it came to Noah Centineo.

“Cinnamon almond,” he said softly when he sat next to her and held the bag out for her. She hated him even more now. She shouldn’t let him buy her so easily, just forgive because he remembered that was her favourite. “Still warm,” he added when she didn’t move. She could feel his eyes on her, searching her face, looking for tell tales that she wasn’t mad anymore. She wasn’t, she couldn’t be mad at him for more than five minutes, no matter how wrong that was. “I missed you.”

“I know,” she said quietly before she picked an almond from the bag. It was still hot. The spice spread over her tongue, tingling the tip, the sugar cracked under her teeth before she could even get to the nut.

“See, this is what I’m talking about,” he snorted with a shake of his head and she raised an eyebrow at him confused. “How many times have I told you I loved you?”

“Three times.” It wasn’t all that difficult to remember those occasions, not like he’d kept saying it day in day out. One time, the very first time, he’d said it out of the blue. They’d been sitting on the hood of his car, sharing a pie -that alone had made her feel special because Noah Centineo never shared his food, ever- and he’d just said it. The second time had been at a wedding of their friends. The third time… The third time he’d said it before she’d walked out of his life with the intention to never see him again; of course that hadn’t worked out, it never did.

“And how many times you said it back?” He asked, watching her lips wrapping around a piece of sugary treat.

“Once,” she said after a moment of hesitation.

“No, you’ve never said it back,” he stated with a hard voice and she blinked slowly. She had, she’d been certain that she’d said it back, hadn’t she? “You never said you loved me. You said ‘me too’, once.” The realization hit her hard. He was right. She’s never said she loved him, not once, not with that word. “Why?”

“I…” She wasn’t sure. She needed a moment to process this in spite of the fact that she’d actually given this thought back in time; why she couldn’t tell him how much she loved him. “Because you have the power to destroy me and… and you don’t need extra armor from me.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said with a raspy voice.

“You never do.”


	2. Tomorrow Would Be A Fine Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said 'I LOVE YOU'

“Hey, your man is here,” one of her classmates called to her from the ledge. They were sitting in the classroom, her packing up her bag, ready for lunchbreak. She didn’t miss the malicous voice used by the other girl, envy soaking through every word but it was something she was used to by now. Jealousy came with the territory, being the girlfriend of Noah Centineo or “The Centineo” as everyone but her liked to call him.

She jumped from her seat, ran to the window, a grin pulling her lips upwards when she saw her boyfriend sitting on the hood of his car, stuffing food into his face. He could have rang her, it annoyed her that he didn’t but of course, he loved relying on his high school star power. Noah knew the news of his presence would travel so fast, she’d know he was there before he could even start dialing. Even a year after his graduation he was still the star, still the guy everyone knew.

She spinned around, grabbed her bag and started running down the stairs or more like flying down the stairs. Annoyed or not, she wanted to meet him. She missed him, a lot. This was her first year in school without him or their friends being there and she was getting a little bit lonely. The main problem was that she belonged more to his year, more to his class than her own and it was her own fault for spending all her time with them but there was no going back now.

She pushed the gates open and ran to the street, beaming when he looked up and flashed a knee weakening smile at her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips. He tasted like cherry, vanilla. His scent was the mix of orange soap that she got him one time and he ended up addicted to and grass. His hair was still slightly damp after the shower he’d gotten once training was finished.

“What are you eating?” She hopped next to him on the hood and crossed her legs. She loved he had a big car where she could do this or even lay down. There was something wildly romantic about it. “Is that our pie plate?” She tilted her head to look at what he was holding.

“Yep.” He nodded and took a big chunk of the sticky cherry filling. He always had the filling first and the pastery after. It was one of those cute little things not only she admired in him but also admired to know. “Your grandma got restless, gave me a call to drop by after training.”

“You’re going to get fat at this rate.” She rolled her eyes amused. Sometimes she wondered who was more in love with Noah, her grandmother or her.

“Fat? Me?” His eyebrows shot to his hairline as he stared at her in disbelief. “Girl, I’m an athlete and a man still in growing. I need a lot of calories. This is science!”

“Pure science.” She giggled more. He could get so worked up when anything possibly not perfect about him became the topic. She loved teasing him about it. “I’m glad you came.” She sighed and leant her head on his shoulder.

“Is everything okay? Someone giving you a hard time?” He was alarmed immediately. His muscles tensed as he looked at her.

“Nah, same old story. I’m doing prom and some bitches want to cross my plans. But it’s okay, I can handle it.” Truth was, she was indeed having a hard time with coming to some kind of agreement about themes and whatnot. However, she was never known as someone who’d back down and her idea was the best. It might have ended up in some harsher words but Noah had more important things to worry about than petty high school fights.

“You can handle anything.” He nodded thoughtfully, a flash of pain crossing his features. She knew what he was thinking of, that he was thinking of his drinking problems, the girls that fell into his bed during those times. As him, she also wished they wouldn’t have proof of her statement of being capable of anything. “Want some pie?”

“No, go on and have it.” She laughed softly, her cheeks flushing scarlet red. Was it stupid to feel special because he offered food? Likely, yes. Would anyone who knew him understand why she became flastered? Likely, yes.

“Open.” He waved the fork in front of her face and she cackled. “Come on!” She opened her mouth and he pushed the slightly sour yet overly sugary piece into her mouth. She’d never figure out how her grandma did this.

People passed by them, giving them curious looks. This was another additional of dating ‘The Centineo’ that sometimes she felt like they were some kind of circus attraction or animals in zoo for everyone to stare at. Younger girls whispered to each other and giggled like crazy as they stared at them, their faces flushed. The elder ones not even tried to hide, they all wondered what she had that they hadn’t. Truth was, she had no idea either. Maybe patience, patience to not be with 'The Centineo’ but to be with Noah who was flesh and bones with real issues, with issues most of them couldn’t even imagine.

“Let’s make a selfie.” He pulled his phone from his pocked and held it in front of them before he dropped his arm around her shoulders.

“No, I just had PE, I look like a mess,” she complained and turned her head away.

“You look just fine. Smile for me,” he commanded and she grimaced. The sooner she did it, the sooner he’d leave her alone. She really hated her picture being taken in general because she always looked terrible on each and every. “Say pie!”

“Pie!” She put her best smile on her face and he made a face.

“Come on, not the fake smile. Can’t you just smile for me?” He whined, terribly unhappy with her.

“This is my smile! Deal with it!” She grumbled and tried to pull away from him.

“I recognize your fake ones from a mile!”

“Well, sorry but it doesn’t work on command!”

“Oh, so are you telling me you have to force yourself to smile for me?”

“Are you guys going to fight? I have nowhere to sit to.” Andrew walked by them, spinning around, wondering where he could enjoy the show the most comfortably. Andrew belonged to their closest circle. He enjoyed their little bickerings and giant fall outs like he was watching a movie. One time, he actually ended up pulling out a chair and have popcorn during they tried to bite each other’s throats.

“Fuck off, Andrew!” She laughed out, throwing her empty can of soda on him from her bag.

“Recycle, kids!” He bowed down for it and dropped it into the nearest trashbin. “Are you sure you aren’t fighting? Arguing maybe?”

“No!” Noah laughed and pulled her into a kiss. His tongue swept over her lips and she gasped, melting in his arms.

“I gotta go soon,” she mumbled against his lips. She hated to cut their time short but she still had to go back.

“Can’t you skip?” He buried his face into the crook of her neck and even without seeing his face, she could imagine the pouty lips, the puppy dog eyes.

“Not this one, no.” She cackled as his arms wrapped around her waist like he didn’t want to let her go. She didn’t want to go but she’s already skipped more than enough classes for him and this half year was the most important. Besides, anything that didn’t count for her final results, she skipped already.

“Fine.” He sighed exaggeratedly. “I love you.” For a moment she thought she was imagining it. Her body went rigid in his arms. This was the very first time he said those words. Her mind turned completely blank. She should say something. She felt the same way but… It was like her tongue was tied, she simply couldn’t say it back.

“Me, too.” She patted his shoulder awkwardly before she pushed away from him and jumped off from the car. “Will see you later,” she called back over her shoulder, not even looking back because she couldn’t. She didn’t want to look at him and see the disappointment on his face that she wasn’t able to say the words. 

God, she was so stupid. She should have said it back but even now, replaying what had just happened, she couldn’t imagine uttering the words. It was like there was a block that stopped her, an entire concrete building was more like it. She pushed her way through the hoards of students, heading back to the classrooms and cursed under her breath. 

Anybody else would have said it back. On the other hand, she was not anybody else and not anybody else knew Noah the way she did, and not anybody else was ever hurt by him the way she was, and not anybody else had history with him like she did. 

She should have said it back while the time was right, while they were at a good part. However, he knew anyway, he must have. It was no brainer. Of course she loved him too, he just blindsided her after all these years. She was going to tell him later today or tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a fine day for it.


	3. The Lion Sleeps Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah surprising his girlfriend in the middle of the night because it's so noble.

She was sitting on the bed, her knees pulled up, the book in her hands resting over her thighs. It was late and she should have already at least tried to get some sleep with having to be awake extra early next day for school but she was way to engrossed in the story. That was the problem when she started reading, she could get sucked into the imagined world all the way; far enough to nearly get a heartattack when her boyfriend fell into her room through the window, head first.

“Noah!” She yelped as she jumped startled. He landed on his hands, his feet dangling over the ledge before he pulled himself all the way in, hopped on his feet with a grin on his face, his chest puffed out proudly. “What are you doing here?” She tried to recall if they agreed on anything and she forgot but she was certain that wasn’t the case.

“It’s full moon,” he grumbled as he walked to her bed, sat on the edge, kicked his shoes off before he laid over next to her, his thigh touching her knee. “I can’t sleep.”

“Full moon?” She raised an eyebrow at him, sucking her bottomlip between her teeth. She already knew what he was going to say.

“It’s scientifically proved that full moon is messing with sleeping cycles,” he said with complete seriousness over his face.

“Pure science.” She nodded, trying not to burst into a fit of giggles. “Did full moon make you use the window instead of the door, too?”

“No but don’t you think it’s romantic?” He grinned up at her mischievously, his boyish face brightening with his explanation. “So noble. Like I have to fight guardians to be with my lover…”

“You don’t have to fight anyone, Anakin,” she cut his fairytale thoughts off. “My grandma asked the other day if we use protection.” The question had caught her offguard. Her grandmother’d personally taken her to the doctor when things have turned certainly serious with Noah. She’d said better safe than sorry at the time. She couldn’t understand why the old lady would think that she wasn’t being cautious about these things right until it turned out that wasn’t what concerned her. “She was very disappointed when I said we were extremely responsible.”

“I can imagine,” Noah laughed out, pulling her down next to him, her head resting over his chest. “Yesterday she said she wasn’t going to be mad at me if I knock you up.” She buried her face into his t-shirt and screamed against his chest. Her grandmother was the worst of the worst. “She says you always wanted to be a young mum.”

“Not this young!” She growled, smacking him on the side. Besides, she wanted to be a young great grandmother, this was what it was all about, always joking that she could still claim she was the kid’s mother even. Considering a woman over 70 had given life the other day, her 52 was still young.

“Not this young but can you imagine?” She watched him turning excited by the topic. No one would believe her that she was having the baby talk with Noah. She barely wanted to believe it as well. Of course, she knew he admired kids, they’ve done lot of guarding in camps and baby sitting together but seeing and hearing him being thrilled by the topic was still a shock for her, in a good way of course. “Like after college… Maybe a little girl…”

“With your lips and my eyes.” She loved this, planning their future together. It might be silly because they were so young but she knew it deep down it was either him or no one. Things were looking up lately with him, no more booze, no more cheating, he actually started looking after himself and she couldn’t be any more proud of him.

“I don’t know. Maybe I want a boy after all.” He frowned, his brows knitted together.

“Why?” She propped on her elbow.

“Because a daughter with your eyes and my lips means boys are going to have filthy thoughts of her. I know what boys are thinking, I think of it all the time with you too.” She bursted into laughter as he said the words, squealing at him that he was a perv; what he was but in the best ways possible.

“I mean it,” he said with a nod as he pulled her into a kiss, tasting her lips softly, turning them around so he was half way laying on her.

“I need to sleep” she mumbled against his lips, her hands pressing lightly against his chest.

“And I’m hungry.” He pouted before he bit her bottomlip playfully, luring a cackle out of her.

“You are always hungry.”

“Because…”

“Because you are a growing man, I know, I know.” She laughed with a shake of her head. She heard the scientifical reasoning for his never ending hunger so many times, she knew it by heart now. One time he’d gone as far as looking up articles on the subject, collecting them and giving all of it to her in a Lion King folder what she still had on display at her desk.

“So do you have food?” He flashed her his sweetest smile and her whole body shook with laughter. This was why her grandmother loved him so much; finally someone ate her food and didn’t just smuged the plate as she liked to put. “Maybe gingerbread?” His eyes shined with hope, he had this adorable look on his face, like a kid under the christmas tree and her heart skipped a beat. God, she loved this dorky side of him so much.

“On the counter in the kitchen, knock yourself out.” She patted a kiss on his lips with a small chuckle.

“Can we watch Lion King?” He jumped from the bed and spinned in front of her. “Can you feel the love tonight?” He sang, purposely terribly out of tune because he knew how much it amused her.

“More like in the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight,” she sang it back to him and he let out an exaggerated sigh. “You can only stay if you let me sleep.”

“I’ll just watch you sleep then,” he stated and started out from her room.

“Not creepy at all,” she called after him with a giggle.

Noah walked back bowl of delicious smelling and tasting gingerbread, his mouth already full. His step faltered a little when he realized she already fell asleep. A smile spread over his face as he watched her for a few moments before he tiptoed to the bed. He placed the bowl on the nightshelf and laid behind her. His arms wrapped around her middle, he nuzzled his face into her hair, inhaling her strawberry scented shampoo deeply. He loved that, loved how her coconut shea butter body lotion, the strawberry shampoo, her cinnamon and ginger scented hands made him feel home as nothing else; she made him feel home like nothing else.

“Good night, little firefly,” he whispered and placed a small kiss on her shoulder.


End file.
